Related to the previous post. Sooooo I found out you have another crush. Maybe I was jealous for like a minute? It’s an ego thing I guess. Coupled with the fact that that friend of mine continually teases me about you… whatever it is, I’m going to let it be. Let nature go on it’s rollercoaster ride. Cos it’s not the time to worry about this. Neither do I want to think about it.
So I guess both of us are on the fence? We don’t know whether we like each other or not. But now’s not the time to risk it. And we both know that. For now, what we have, this friendship is more than enough. In some ways, I am thankful (: since what you have said the other time, I guess both sides would be at least a little more open now.
This afternoon during gp, my tutor asked us what we would want to be in the future. If money wasn’t taken into consideration, if prestige didn’t matter, if we could learn whatever we wanted just for our enjoyment; what would we do?
One guy in my class said he’d play soccer. Another said he wanted to be a DJ. My good friend sitting beside me told me she wanted to open a restaurant.
And me? I honestly don’t know… all long, I’ve thought that I wanted to be a doctor because I genuinely want to save lives. I want to help people in this way. And of course, do missionaries annually. To treat people of their illnesses, whether they can afford it or not, and to have them be grateful… Ahhh that must be a good feeling.
But take away money and societal pressure and I realise that… hey, I aspire to be a doctor partly cos it pays well. It has prestige. That’s not what I want to happen in the future! I want to do something I truely love!
I was thinking… maybe I truely wanted to be a celebrity. But do I? I want to do missionaries… go around the world, to help the poor and the sick. And even heko those in my country… bur do I really? Can I leave my family and friends behind?
What is my ambition? I’m back to square one. I don’t know.
What’s wrong with me? Shake it off. Shake it off. Do your best. Jia you.
I just don’t get some people. One term they’re pretty good friends with you. And the next, you’re almost strangers. It’s annoying. But wth. I’m gonna ignore it. Like wtf did I do? Forget it. Shan’t waste anymore time ranting about it.
I’m in the group. Those kind of high profile, specially bonded group I wanna be in. But I just feel… I don’t feel totally welcomed. Or maybe it’s just by this one person that makes me look like a fish out of water.
Funny. I’ve not even thought about him the whole of the hols till today. When my friend mentioned that we may be sitting with him and a friend for the concert. We didn’t in the end. But thank God. Cos we have an inkling that they may be together. Or at least he likes her? My friend said something along the lines of “Even he doesn’t one (one of their closest friends) to know.”
Funny thing is, I’m in pretty good terms with the girl he likes. Hence, no names here. I come into contact with the people involved in this post too often. And everywhere you go, someone is somehow linked to another.
Am I sad? Jealous? Disappointed? Do I feel a hole in my heart? Do I feel my heart racing even when I see him? Nope. Not at all. Really.
It’s just sad that we’re still awkward I guess? Not that I care about that either.
I guess I wanted to post this… just to… Idk. Haiz. To show that I have officially gotten over him? But that news was soooo last season. Then what? Hm. Humans are complicated.
Or maybe it’s just me dramatising my life.
Judge all you want guys.
Friends come running as you exit the backstage into the foyer. Sounds of congratulations and shouts of joy full the air. Flowers are given, cameras and phones whipped out.
“Omg you were awesome!”
“Thanks guys! Thanks for coming!”
As you beam to that little device which freezes that moment.
Before you can bade goodbye, a new wave of friends come hugging you. And the cycle starts over.
Say I’m attention seeking if you want. But all I want is to experience that. Just once, is that too mich to ask? But I’ll never be able to do it now… I’m no longer in band, neither am I in any other activity which allows me to perform. Or maybe I just want to be the centre of attention… for once.
- elementary school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: omg thats so cool
- middle school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: wow loser
- high school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: omg luckyyyy
- college: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: is that even possible