At times when I’m allowed to, I think about everything and nothing. All that has happened to me, all that I’ve felt, all that… just comes. A chatter of thoughts. All fighting to be heard.
At times like these, things seem… pretty bad… I wanna say it all out. I wanna get those questions answered I can’t… I just v can’t…
Why does everything seem hopeless?
Lost in the sea of emotions.
Despite what I say, it takes time to get over… it really does. He’s still cute. He’s still atrractive. I know, I sound hopeless. It just takes time… plus, better to air it out than keep it in right? I won’t promise this is the last post about him… at least I stopped looking out for his trapezium.
I wish… he didn’t tell me. Or maybe it was for the better that he told me. Wish leaves me to ask. Do you still have a crush on me? Does that feeling fade the more we talk? Is it possible for a guy and a girl to be best friends and have a platonic relationship? Even when both or single and are greehorns? Am… I falling for you? Or is it just my head? My heart feels nothing. But then again, the lines are blurred. Maybbe it’s just me disliking being ignored on text messages or whatsapp…
Is it possible not to have a crush? Just because I got over one… or is it just my head confusing me, and not really the feeling of my heart? Orr maybe I just need someone. Anyone. I want to unload all my stress too. Someone I want to hug- whoever he/she may be- to release everything. Sob it all out. Once and for all. And focus on what true matters: My studies. Maybe I just hate people not replying me… we are, best friends afterall… I just feel… a little sad that… he isn’t replying me.
So I’ve gotten over him. Sounds like I wqs in a relationship… hahaha. No no, it was just a crush. Such a waste though, I think he would’ve made a good bf and he’s quite good looking too. Hehe (: oh well.
But the situation is getting worse. He’s less friendly with my og mates now. In general. He’s… put it in a nice way, reserved now. It was as if og never happened. He doesn’t even wave or smile at the og mates. Doesn’t initiate that wave or smile at all… oh well. Hopefully, everything will get better soon. Time… makes or breaks. We’ll see how then.
Afterall, I don’t think I can do anything, neither do I bother anymore.
Thank you for cheering for me today (:
It was a game against vj. I got subbed in halfway. Of course I was nervous! Was the reserve, and the worst player on the team. I was scared. Scared of missing the ball, scared of reacting too slow, scared of… dragging the team down with me. Although I didn’t really had the chance to do anything after you guys cheered, you made my day (:
I felt at home when the bus turned into vj. “Ahhhh, home. I’ve missed you vj.” These were the thoughts going through my head. I’m gonma be lambasted at at this point. Shouldn’t my loyalty be to Nj? Why at home in vj? The team we’re playimg against, no less. I guess, it’s the VCA thing. And the fact that I know lots of Cedarians are here. VJC… is just like home. More than Nj is.
And cheering by you guys. It was… wow. I felt… warm inside. I felt great. I felt useful. I felt like a Cedarian once again. The confidence and all trickling back in.
“GO KHYSTELLE YEO!”
These are the words that will be forever etched in my mind. I can’t wait for any other opportunity to go back.
Thank you (:
A friendship truely ends
Not when one betrays
Not when one blows up
But when either stops caring
Cos that’s when cracks appear.
No matter how strong
No matter how long
That’s how friendships disappear
So now I look like a flirt, like a player? In a new environment where you were the first few friends I made… it was clear from the start, I knew nothing of these kinda games. Yet. Just because. Just because of what? I seem closer to the few guys in class? Just because I stand with them most of the time during morn assembly? Then why can’t you be categorised as a player? You are surrounded by girls. I mean literally SURROUNDED. Not that you’re actually flirting with them. Well neither am I, with those close guy friends of mine. At least I have lunch with a girls onky gang once in a while. Must gender segregation in jc still exist? It’s called co-ed for a reason! I thought people wouldn’t be that judgemental…. but of all people, you! My first few friends. In a place where I started out at square one. If you view me as a player what about others?
It’s a scary place… scary. Scary. Scary. Let me run. Let me hide.
On another note, why does everyone I meet think that I have/am dating? When I asked a friend, he said it’s cos of the way I act around guys… Is it because I’m friendly with guys? Too friendly, apparently, he replied. But then again, so many other girls interact even better with guys! What then? What the hell did I do? And apparently a few people in school think that way… he seemed to be hintinh that a few people are whispering behind my back… or is that the paranoid me? I wanted a fresh start here… but what has happened? 2 months seems like 2 years now. Help. What did I do? I’m sorry I can get a long well with guys. But I am sure I don’t act sweet, girly, prim and proper, or anything in front of them! Ok, maube except for my crush but that’s normal.