November152013

Disbelief

I can’t believe them! How can the capt and vice-capt be so clueless about reading people. You guys are totally missing my point. So now it’s still my fault. I thought if I said something, it’d clear things up more. But it didn’t. All the more, I felt like the bad guy.

Team, what team?

November72013

No where is safe

October22013

And on the other spectrum, someone else is putting in much more effort than I am into the friendship. Maybe it’s because I put in more effort in the beginning. Maybe I got discouraged and so I stopped trying.

I do feel bad. I am trying to put in an equal effort into that other friendship… it’s still going alright I guess.

But Idk how long this friendship with you will last. Maybe I’m reading too much into this now. Gahhh this sucks.

11AM

I know I shouldn’t be expecting anything out of a friendship. Friends mutually care for each other, encourage each other and support each other right?

Idk… like I try I really do. To do that sometimes lean on you for support, but other times I encourage you and all… but where are you?
Remember when you were having exams? How I became your “daily reminder” your “countdown timer” to your papers? Everyday, I’d come up with something new to say, “__ more days to promos!” And during your exam period, I took a photo of the sky every morning just to encourage you- cos I know you love clouds and pretty skies. If I missed a pretty dawn, I’d send you a pony. Something you loved so much too.

Or maube I’m doing too much? Do I seem scary now? Like… like I’m infatuated with you? Cos I’m not. I really am not.

Looking back yeah… maube I did do it too over the top. But… Idk, I guess I was hoping for a little more from you. I can’t deny that I’m not disappointed… but I’ll get by it.

September162013

Status quo

Related to the previous post. Sooooo I found out you have another crush. Maybe I was jealous for like a minute? It’s an ego thing I guess. Coupled with the fact that that friend of mine continually teases me about you… whatever it is, I’m going to let it be. Let nature go on it’s rollercoaster ride. Cos it’s not the time to worry about this. Neither do I want to think about it.

September82013

On the fence

So I guess both of us are on the fence? We don’t know whether we like each other or not. But now’s not the time to risk it. And we both know that. For now, what we have, this friendship is more than enough. In some ways, I am thankful (: since what you have said the other time, I guess both sides would be at least a little more open now.

August202013

Ambition

This afternoon during gp, my tutor asked us what we would want to be in the future. If money wasn’t taken into consideration, if prestige didn’t matter, if we could learn whatever we wanted just for our enjoyment; what would we do?

One guy in my class said he’d play soccer. Another said he wanted to be a DJ. My good friend sitting beside me told me she wanted to open a restaurant.

And me? I honestly don’t know… all long, I’ve thought that I wanted to be a doctor because I genuinely want to save lives. I want to help people in this way. And of course, do missionaries annually. To treat people of their illnesses, whether they can afford it or not, and to have them be grateful… Ahhh that must be a good feeling.

But take away money and societal pressure and I realise that… hey, I aspire to be a doctor partly cos it pays well. It has prestige. That’s not what I want to happen in the future! I want to do something I truely love!

I was thinking… maybe I truely wanted to be a celebrity. But do I? I want to do missionaries… go around the world, to help the poor and the sick. And even heko those in my country… bur do I really? Can I leave my family and friends behind?

What is my ambition? I’m back to square one. I don’t know.

July192013

What’s wrong with me? Shake it off. Shake it off. Do your best. Jia you.

July92013

I just don’t get some people. One term they’re pretty good friends with you. And the next, you’re almost strangers. It’s annoying. But wth. I’m gonna ignore it. Like wtf did I do? Forget it. Shan’t waste anymore time ranting about it.

4AM

Included but excluded

I’m in the group. Those kind of high profile, specially bonded group I wanna be in. But I just feel… I don’t feel totally welcomed. Or maybe it’s just by this one person that makes me look like a fish out of water.