I’m in the group. Those kind of high profile, specially bonded group I wanna be in. But I just feel… I don’t feel totally welcomed. Or maybe it’s just by this one person that makes me look like a fish out of water.
Funny. I’ve not even thought about him the whole of the hols till today. When my friend mentioned that we may be sitting with him and a friend for the concert. We didn’t in the end. But thank God. Cos we have an inkling that they may be together. Or at least he likes her? My friend said something along the lines of “Even he doesn’t one (one of their closest friends) to know.”
Funny thing is, I’m in pretty good terms with the girl he likes. Hence, no names here. I come into contact with the people involved in this post too often. And everywhere you go, someone is somehow linked to another.
Am I sad? Jealous? Disappointed? Do I feel a hole in my heart? Do I feel my heart racing even when I see him? Nope. Not at all. Really.
It’s just sad that we’re still awkward I guess? Not that I care about that either.
I guess I wanted to post this… just to… Idk. Haiz. To show that I have officially gotten over him? But that news was soooo last season. Then what? Hm. Humans are complicated.
Or maybe it’s just me dramatising my life.
Judge all you want guys.
Friends come running as you exit the backstage into the foyer. Sounds of congratulations and shouts of joy full the air. Flowers are given, cameras and phones whipped out.
“Omg you were awesome!”
“Thanks guys! Thanks for coming!”
As you beam to that little device which freezes that moment.
Before you can bade goodbye, a new wave of friends come hugging you. And the cycle starts over.
Say I’m attention seeking if you want. But all I want is to experience that. Just once, is that too mich to ask? But I’ll never be able to do it now… I’m no longer in band, neither am I in any other activity which allows me to perform. Or maybe I just want to be the centre of attention… for once.
- elementary school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: omg thats so cool
- middle school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: wow loser
- high school: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: omg luckyyyy
- college: I went to bed at 10
- everyone: is that even possible
I literally have no idea what my personality is
Like I go from being an arrogant bitch to a studious, conscientious hard-worker, to a lazy procrastinator, to an overly-emotional fangirl
In a matter of seconds
so accurate it hurts