Why do I feel so… awkward?
So many things that went through my mind today after the debrief. So many things. Idk where to start
As sudden as they came, the thoughts of what I’ve learnt in the past week hit me.
Just this one incident.
It is quite the jaw dropper. I never knew people so nice would… I guess I’m still this naïve little kid.
I can’t do anything about this now. Since that incident happend at the beginning of the year. And we’ve hung out so much. What’s the point of digging out the past?
As a consolation, at least there’s some kinda closure to this issue.
And this leads me to an unanswered question:
Do they feel guilty for what they’ve done?
Then again, the stories from bith sidrs are completely different… sigh. How troubling. I truely want to put this issue down. I don’t want to think of it when I’m with them, or when someone talks about them. Cos at the end of the day it’s better to make friends than enemies.
I can’t believe them! How can the capt and vice-capt be so clueless about reading people. You guys are totally missing my point. So now it’s still my fault. I thought if I said something, it’d clear things up more. But it didn’t. All the more, I felt like the bad guy.
Team, what team?
No where is safe
And on the other spectrum, someone else is putting in much more effort than I am into the friendship. Maybe it’s because I put in more effort in the beginning. Maybe I got discouraged and so I stopped trying.
I do feel bad. I am trying to put in an equal effort into that other friendship… it’s still going alright I guess.
But Idk how long this friendship with you will last. Maybe I’m reading too much into this now. Gahhh this sucks.
I know I shouldn’t be expecting anything out of a friendship. Friends mutually care for each other, encourage each other and support each other right?
Idk… like I try I really do. To do that sometimes lean on you for support, but other times I encourage you and all… but where are you?
Remember when you were having exams? How I became your “daily reminder” your “countdown timer” to your papers? Everyday, I’d come up with something new to say, “__ more days to promos!” And during your exam period, I took a photo of the sky every morning just to encourage you- cos I know you love clouds and pretty skies. If I missed a pretty dawn, I’d send you a pony. Something you loved so much too.
Or maube I’m doing too much? Do I seem scary now? Like… like I’m infatuated with you? Cos I’m not. I really am not.
Looking back yeah… maube I did do it too over the top. But… Idk, I guess I was hoping for a little more from you. I can’t deny that I’m not disappointed… but I’ll get by it.
Related to the previous post. Sooooo I found out you have another crush. Maybe I was jealous for like a minute? It’s an ego thing I guess. Coupled with the fact that that friend of mine continually teases me about you… whatever it is, I’m going to let it be. Let nature go on it’s rollercoaster ride. Cos it’s not the time to worry about this. Neither do I want to think about it.
So I guess both of us are on the fence? We don’t know whether we like each other or not. But now’s not the time to risk it. And we both know that. For now, what we have, this friendship is more than enough. In some ways, I am thankful (: since what you have said the other time, I guess both sides would be at least a little more open now.